Searching
by reishilovesyaoi
Summary: inspired from episode 157,...as Gokudera makes his way alone...


**Title: Searching…**

**Author**: reishicolleen

**Rating**: T

**Character/s:** Gokudera Hayato, 5927 (if you look hard)

**Disclaimer**: Nope, I don't own any of the KHR characters, if I did, it would go from shounen to yaoi, lol, but it's not, so I don't.

**A/N:** inspired from the episode 157 of the anime, the scene where Gokudera said he was fine on his own broke my heart. And this fic is pure IMPULSIVITY building up, so there. XDD

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Gokudera Hayato walked down the empty street with hands inside his pockets…lost in his own thoughts…

"What about you, Gokudera-kun?"

Tsunayoshi had turned to the storm guardian, they were at an intersection and they have come to a conclusion that Tsuna, Bianchi and Haru would check out the Miura residence. Ryohei and Kyoko would drop by their home, and Yamamoto volunteered to take Lambo and I-pin with him. this left the silver haired italian to decide on his own.

He was supposed to say he was going with the tenth, after all, it was his duty as the right hand man to be always beside his boss, but somehow the words got lost in his throat in his throat and he said something else "I'll be fine on my own, tenth"

Trying to ignore the rather surprised look on the Juudaime's face, the piercing gaze from his sister (who was, thank god, wearing her goggles) and even the look he couldn't understand on the baseball nut's face he shrugged.

"O-Okay then…" with that, they all went their separate ways.

So here was, making his way alone. He would've gone after the tenth, but the idea of being with Bianchi made him reconsider the idea. He wasn't exactly on proper terms with her even after everything that had happened.

He walked without even knowing where he was going, like the way he was going now…Gokudera's life had always been lost, empty. Before he met the tenth, he had no regard for his life. But being with the tenth and the others changed that. Being with them slowly made him feel like he was alive again…that he actually had a right to live. So when he was given the ring of storm he vowed to do everything in his power to survive…and live for the tenth and vongola.

Their trip to the future had become a huge slap on his face…seeing the tenth's coffin…knowing that he died when he could've saved him…it may be a part of his plan, but to him, it was a failure to protect the tenth as a right hand man.

Gokudera always said that he was the tenth's right hand man…he laughed softly, back then he was always fighting with Yamamoto, who was also always beside the tenth and seemed to be snatching the position from him…but if he thinks about it, he realizes, even though he would never admit it even to himself, Yamamoto Takeshi was more suited to be the tenth's right hand man…compared to him, the baseball idiot was more stronger… he was able to defeat more enemies than him…compared to Gokudera, any person would definitely chose the rain guardian as their right hand…

It was revealed however, that the tenth has chosen who to trust about his plan, and alas, much to his surprise, it wasn't him… it wasn't even the baseball idiot… it was Hibari Kyouya.

Hibari Kyouya, who he never thought, at their own time, would take the mafia seriously. There he was proved wrong…since the tenth trusted Hibari instead of him…it hurted when Shoichi Irie revealed that, and what hurted more was when he said that it was the tenth who proposed everything. But he had to accept it, right hand or not, Gokudera swore to himself that he would live for vongola and the tenth…it hasn't changed then and it wasn't going to change.

"Ah?" he stopped, his feet has brought him to the small apartment he used to live in 10 years ago…it looked as if no one's lived on it for years, though nothing much has changed around it, the old lady living next door was surprisingly still there, except now she looked older than ever…Gokudera used to be fond of her and her cats…he even used to buy them some cat food when he had the extra money.

A small smile crept on his lips, at least it was nice to know that there are really some things that never change…

"Areh? Gokudera, is that you?"

Being too caught up in his own thoughts he completely forgot to hide himself, which made the old lady saw him.

"Err…" he stuttered, what should he do now?

The old lady kept calling out to him, "Well don't just stand there young man, I'm calling to you aren't I?"

So he walked towards her, hopefully she wouldn't ask about his appearance, but the moment he's in front of her she suddenly started squeezing his face like he's made of rubber.

"Ow! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" he snapped, immediately pulling his face from her grasp.

She chuckled "You know, you really look like that person who used to live next door, you even sound the same. Why, if I had known better I would say you're his son!"

And he didn't find that funny at all. but since he was already here, he might as well learn what happened to him in the future…

"What happened to him? the one living next door?" he asked softly.

The old lady thought for a while "I believe it's been 5 years since he left the house, he was such a weird young man, but one look is all I need to tell he's kind…he used to love my kitties here…" she looked at her cats frolicking happily by her lawn.

Gokudera stared at the cats too, most them were only kittens when he last saw them, it was a relief to see they were still fine. "Did he say where he lived now?"

"Goodness no" she said, "he never told me anything, that young lad…sometimes I wonder if he has any friends…"

"…" he couldn't say anything.

"But then one day there was this young man who came to pick him up…I was surprised!" she exclaimed. "He looked like a nice young man too! I was so glad that Gokudera had friends too…"

_Friends? Yeah, right_… he wanted to say but held his tongue. He wanted to ask who it was but he doubt she knows. He was never too friendly with the old lady anyway.

"Why are you asking about Gokudera anyway? Are you related to him?"

"Err…"

"Oh nevermind that, are you hungry? Would you like some milk and cookies?" she offered.

"No, I'm fine…" he said.

She stared at him for a while, "Maybe you really are that boy's son after all…" she gave a soft smile, "If you are, I'm glad he turned out alright after all…"

He didn't respond…and in the end, he just had more questions than answers.

He bid her farewell and walked away, wondering where he was going now. And as fate would have it, he passed by the park where Yamamoto, Lambo and I-pin were playing with a ball…

His first thought was to evade them then he remembered that the baseball also didn't have a home to return too…and like him, he also lost a parent… he sighed, maybe, just maybe…this time, even if it's just this time, he'll enjoy with them.

Yamamoto smiled at him "Come on Gokudera… play with us"

It took some exchange of words, but he eventually smiled softly and joined them… questions can be answered later on…

**-end-**

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Sorry, that sucked. XDD like I said it was just an impulsive desire, no plot whatsoever, XDD


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